the things that tormented me...
“...the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”
–James Baldwin
In the last decade, I’ve had two events that shattered me. One was a death. The other was a divorce. I shared about these in a real and raw way during COVID. Listen to the low tech recording here (forgive the sound quality).
Being shattered exposed things. Thought patterns that were distorted. Ways of being that were outdated. Sub-conscious beliefs that were mis-aligned with reality. In the healing process, it was like I could pick up each piece and decide if I wanted to put it back in the puzzle of personality.
Some things I dropped.
Some things I picked up.
And some one new emerged.
The caterpillar to butterfly metaphor could apply here, but it felt more like a baby deer. Fresh life with shaky legs. I had to learn to stand, walk and eventually run as a new creation.
I was especially wobbly during the divorce. I had to rebuild confidence and trust in myself. I did a lot of this on the mat and what you might call walking meditations. (I called them "games") I would tune in and listen to my inner guidance system. Then respond (with as little negotiation as possible).
This next part is hard to explain: nothing particularly miraculous happened on my mat or on those walks. But something miraculous happened inside of me. Slowly but surely my inner listening became stronger. The still-small-voice of truth became clearer. And I gained an inner steadiness that has stayed with me.
Inner steadiness is like “deep okayness”. Not glamorous but glorious.
And it seems obvious, like something we should all be able to do. But if inner awareness has been discouraged (ever called too sensitive?). Or the muscle has atrophied due to lack of use... when we tune in, there is noise and static. The still-small-voice is muffled or drowned out. There is so much bickering we don't know who is who. It can be a lot to wade though.
But I've found the wade is worth it... And I think it would be for you too... ask yourself: who would you be if you were more attuned to your inner guidance system? What would it mean for the people around you? How could we shape the world with inner steadiness?
I think Inner Listening is an under-rated super power. It's what makes practice miraculous. If you want to develop it, I've got a challenge for you. It's a 6-week process to Make Practice Miraculous. It will be available through the 20 Minute Miracles App in about 8 weeks. Or... if you're a Founding Member, you'll dive in with me later this month. Curious about what it means to be a Founding Member? Watch this
The App will put practice in the palm of your hand. There will be tools, like a BEING barometer, for tracking, measuring, and motivating your practice. If being a Founding Member isn't a perfect fit, there will be other ways to participate.
Here's to developing under-rated super-powers and consciousness-shifting skills.
May your practice be miraculous,
Alison
